Taking Control

I looked at my desk full of papers and sighed. I noted the time on the computer; 15:07. Maisy would be having her nap now. I sat back on my chair and thought of her curled up on the nursery mat, sucking her thumb no doubt. I smiled and then felt a pang of guilt. I downed another mouthful of stale coffee then sorted through my ‘urgent pile’, organising it into what could possibly wait until Monday… if Paul forgot to come and ask anyway.

  ‘Right then Annie, you got that piece finished yet?’

   Crap, why did I think he wouldn’t check up on me? Paul was leaning round the glass door. His collar unbuttoned, tie loosened and his greasy hair precisely gelled in place. His eyebrows were raised awaiting an answer. 

   ‘The charity article…? Yeah, it’s just about done, don’t worry,’ I lied.

   ‘Good stuff, looking forward to Christmas party!’ he chirped as he left.

    Yuck, what a creep! He wasn’t usually satisfied with my ‘it’s nearly done’ answers, but he’d probably already had a brandy in his office, getting geared up for the night ahead. I thought of last year’s party when he was sleazing all over me with his awful breath and his slurred words. I was the single one so no doubt an easy target in his eyes! I just wish I’d never slept with him all those years ago. He seems to think we have a secret thing going on. He wishes! I can’t complain though as he’s the boss and he did give me this job when I really needed it.

   ‘That’s what friends are for!’ he had said with a slimy stroke on the back. I remember wanting the seat to swallow me up but I knew he was my only hope of getting back on my feet after James.

*

   ‘Night night my gorgeous little girl, mummy loves you.’ I leaned over and kissed Maisy’s tiny little nose. It wrinkled as her thumb popped in her mouth.

   ‘Is she asleep?’ Mum asked as I cautiously headed down the stairs in my five inched heels.

  ‘Yeah out like a light. I’ll try not to be long mum.’ I pulled my thick winter coat over my blue sequenced dress and pulled my blonde curls over the collar.

   ‘Oh, don’t you worry about that love, you just enjoy yourself!’

   ‘Thanks mum,’ I said as I kissed her on the cheek and pulled the door behind me.

   Vhari sat in the back of the taxi waiting. I smiled and waved as I trotted down the path towards her.

   ‘Hey, are you ready for this?’ she asked with a smirk on her face.

   ‘I’m dreading it!’ I replied.

   The party was in full swing when we arrived. Mike ran over with a Santa hat on and two glasses of bubbly for us.

   ‘Thanks Mike,’ I said as I nudged Vhari to do the same.

   ‘Yeah thanks,’ she said reluctantly.

   We moved quickly into a quiet corner so we could hear ourselves speak. The lights flashed around the ceiling as the DJ played ‘Last Christmas.’ Work mates swayed together as they sang the words in unison. Vhari and I giggled as we watched.

   ‘So what’s the deal with Mike?’ I asked.

   ‘Oh Annie, I can’t get away from him, he’s driving me nuts! He keeps coming to my desk asking if I want a coffee or a muffin or a stapler!’

   ‘Well you shouldn’t lead the poor guy on,’ I laughed.

   ‘It was one kiss Annie and I don’t even remember it!’ She nudged me with her arm as she began to laugh too.

   ‘Oh sorry,’ I said as I banged into the person behind me.

   ‘Hello Annie,’ the thin woman said soberly.

   ‘Oh hi Marion,’ I mumbled. ‘Sorry about that. Are you enjoying the party?’

   Marion turned her back on me as I giggled again with Vhari. We hurriedly moved closer to the bar to order some drinks.

   ‘Oh Annie, did you see the way she looked at you, she really hates you doesn’t she?

   ‘She hates everyone,’ I replied casually.

   ‘Yeah but not everyone has slept with her husband.’

    ‘About 10 years ago!’ I jumped in.

   ‘Any chance he gets he’s in your office. Do you think he checks up on the rest of us that much?’

   ‘He checks up on me because he thinks I can’t do the job. Two vodkas and coke please,’ I shouted over to the barman as I rummaged in my tiny bag for money, ‘he only gave me the job because he felt sorry for me.’

   The night went on and I realised I hadn’t seen Paul yet. He usually makes at point of finding me and forcing drinks upon me. I told Vhari I was off to the toilet as she began talking with another colleague. I moved through the drunken crowds towards the main door. I asked the door steward where the toilets were and then headed down the flight of stairs towards them. Why do they always make toilets so far away? And what’s with all the bloody stairs?’ I gripped on to the banister as I carefully stepped down one at a time.

  ‘There’s my girl,’ said a familiar voice.

   I looked up to see Paul coming towards me.

   ‘Where have you been hiding all night?’ he joked as he leaned on the wall in front of me.

   ‘I’ve not been hiding at all.’ I winced at the smell of his strong after shave and the hairs sprouting out his shirt. Yuck, he makes my skin crawl.

  ‘Shall we have a dance?’ he asked as he stroked his hand down my arm.

   ‘Here?’ I shivered. I looked around to check no one had seen him touch me.

   ‘No, upstairs I meant. Unless you want some privacy?’ he suggested with a hopeful smirk on his face.

   ‘No, not right now thanks. I’m just heading to the toilet then I’ll see you up there.’ I stepped over to move passed him but he quickly jumped in front of me. He stood another step closer. I could smell the gin on his breath.

    ‘C’mon Annie not like you to refuse my company,’ he said getting closer into my face. I could feel my head starting to spin.

   ‘Look, Paul I just need the toilet then I’ll be up, okay? Let me by,’ I said more firmly.

   ‘Okay okay,’ he said as he raised both hands in the air and moved to one side.

    I started down the stairs again. I could see a door open at the bottom. Good, some fresh air will sort me out. The cool air hit me on the face. I felt better already. I hadn’t realised how warm it was in there. I stood staring at the empty waste ground in front of me looking for somewhere I could sit. I crunched over the grass towards a stony window ledge then heard a door bang. I turned round to see Paul walking towards me.

  ‘Paul, I’ll just be a minute, I just need some fresh air.’ I perched on the side of the ledge and leaned against the iron railings that covered the window.

   ‘Yeah me too,’ he answered as he approached.

    I rested my head back and closed my eyes. I thought of Maisy all snuggled up in her cot and suddenly I just wanted to be home.

   ‘You look really good tonight Annie,’ Paul said. I opened my eyes as I realised he was too close for comfort.

   ‘Thanks Paul, maybe we should head in now. Have that dance?’ I didn’t really mean it but I was starting to feel uneasy. I then felt his body pressing in on me and his face leaning closer into mine.

   ‘C’mon Annie, nobody will see us out here.’ He pushed his lips on to mine and I struggled to breathe. I tried to push him off but his full weight was on me.

   ‘Get off Paul,’ I gasped as I pushed at his chest.

   ‘Don’t start protesting now,’ he warned as he stared me straight in the eye. He gripped my jaw in his hand and started forcing his mouth on mine. 

   ‘Please Paul, no!’ His hand moved down my dress as I fought harder to escape his grip. I managed to let out a yell as the door banged again and I heard Vhari shouting. Relief washed over me as Paul loosened his grip.

  ‘Annie, are you out here?’

   She couldn’t see me in the shadows. Paul jumped off me and wondered off towards her smoothing his hair back from his sweaty face.

   ‘Yeah she’s over there, we were just chatting,’ he said as he walked casually back to the building.

   Vhari came running over as I slumped to the ground in a heap. I started crying out loud, now that I had my breath back.

*

I walked into my office chewing frantically on my lip. I turned to check that he hadn’t seen me come in. I flicked the switch on the kettle and settled down at my desk. My stomach was in knots. I had been upset all weekend; sick at the thought of what Paul might’ve done if Vhari hadn’t came out when she did.  I flicked on the computer and sat staring at the blank screen as I waited for it to come on. The door opened and there he was standing in my office. My stomach turned.

   ‘I want that charity report done for today Annie. If it’s not done then you can find a job elsewhere.’

   I sat staring at him in disbelief. I thought he was coming into apologise and explain that he was really drunk and never meant to upset me the other night! 

   ‘You got that?’ he said staring back at me with his bushy eyebrows raised. Anyone would think he was mad at me. I nodded and looked back to the screen as he let the door swing shut behind him. My heart was pounding.

   I sat there thinking of Maisy. I thought of what I would do if anyone ever did that to her one day. The anger started to build. I thought of James, Maisy’s dad living with his new girlfriend, not even the same one he cheated on me with. I shook my head. No he was not going to do this to me. Paul was not going to get away with this. I don’t need this job that badly. I don’t need another man getting away with treating me like dirt. I stood up and marched towards his office. The door was open as he sat chatting with two colleagues. His face squirmed as he looked up at me.

   ‘Not now Annie,’ he said firmly. I could see the fear in his face. The same fear he had forced upon me at the Christmas Party. I walked slowly to the middle of his office.

   ‘No, I think now is the perfect time,’ I said confidently. ‘Friday night was not a good time for me either but if you think I’m going let this go then you’re a bigger idiot than I thought!’

   Paul stood up and asked the men to leave. I let them walk by, happy I’d let them see enough.

   ‘Annie, listen...’ Paul started.

   ‘No, I’m not finished Paul, so you better listen! I am not going to let you get away with what happened on Friday. You’ve crossed the mark this time and I don’t need your job that much. Consider this my resignation and you better hope people don’t find out why I’ve left!’ I then turned on my heels and walked out. I grabbed my bag from my office and got in the lift. I stood there with a grin on my face as the lift began to descend.  I may not have the best luck with men but I was not going to let other one walk all over me, I’ve learned that much at least! I thought of Maisy. I thought of her playing at nursery and how happy she would be to see me pick her up early. I was doing this for both of us. The lift door opened and I strode out. I didn’t even think of looking back, I was taking control of my life for once.